I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
