Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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