Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
