I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
