we're blogging at a bar
My hand turned me down
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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