Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
