i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
