Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
