In the future we'll all be gay
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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