I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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