It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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