trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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