that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
