Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize