it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
