i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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