i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
