Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
