It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
