Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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