I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize