Christians are straight up FREAKS
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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