so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize