I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize