We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
