everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There's always time for handjobs
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
