Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
