the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
