I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
