I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
