after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
