I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
