I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
