Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
