The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
