32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize