I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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