smell my finger.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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