Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
