Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We have so much sex to catch up on
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
