bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
