I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
