I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
