is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
