Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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