So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
