Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
