Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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