Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize