is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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