her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dick very happy bro
Don't tell me you're on acid again
FUCK WHALES
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