Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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