So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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