i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
