dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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