And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
