I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
operation harelip BJ is a go
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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