Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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