I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
