Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
