When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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