Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
