He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
