Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
