There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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