I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
